a woman reacting to people who don't understand SMA's limitations

Feeling Emotional About Things People Say

I gave up whenever someone asked, “Oh, what is she doing now?" (She as in me.)

And your family answered it with, “Nothing. She just sits at home. Doing nothing.”

I used to feel sad. Now I've given up.

I used to feel offended and sad whenever I heard it from someone I respected and loved. But after a while I am tired. Tired of feeling all of it. I gave up.

I do not correct that answer anymore. I did not explain to people why I didn’t work.

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No point in explaining what I can do

Because I knew there was no point in countering that argument. Those who knew me would know what I am doing. They know what I can and I can’t do. I might not earn as much as you did but at least I managed to buy things on my own. I managed to buy my clothes, food I wanted, and things for myself.

As I grew up I realized we don’t have to please everyone. Not everyone fits into your circumstances. I cannot change the behavior of others, but I can change myself.

Protecting yourself

Here are some ways I do to protect myself from the ones who scrape me:

Confer with myself

As for me, I will talk to myself. Going through my feelings and considering different ways of thinking is a useful exercise.

I developed my mantra, “If you do not prioritize your own needs, who will?” and “They don’t know what is your struggle, you shouldn’t be bothered about it.”

Acceptance

When I have been scared, in shock, in pain, grieving, and overwhelmed.

Being told “you’re strong” when it’s the opposite side of my actual reality - those are the words that don't help anymore.

I no longer say “You're so strong + you will go through this” as comfort to confer with myself.

I started saying this instead “If the worst thing of all happens, I will still be here and go through this”

What I need the most is the recognition of reality. And I need emotional protection for me to go through something overwhelming.

Take a moment and pause

When I hear something upset me I will take a moment to calm myself. They say time heals everything. It can if you know how to calm down by yourself. Take a deep breath and allow time to pass before responding to the person/question.

At the same time, I learned how to be mindful.

I have to admit there have been many times when I have said or done something that has offended someone without my intending to do so. And I have been on the receiving end of words and actions that have bruised me. To some degree, that’s just life. We’re all imperfect people, hopefully doing our best to get along with others. But it also seems to me that we are living in an increasingly angry world.

I cannot let anyone else’s behavior change who I am.

I have to be dignified. Be brilliant. Be kind. Never let anyone reduce the best of me.

When I work on my reactions, I am making myself a more flexible and joyous person who can handle more of the world with ease. More important is my ability to cope with everyday life. I don’t want to live in a toxic environment forever. I wanna live a happy life.

Practicing kindness

Kindness can be undervalued. Still, it is often a hallmark of healthy family love. Not hurting others unnecessarily must usually be balanced with self-esteem for authentic kindness to flourish within a family unit.

Nothing stays forever
We all got an inner beast.
We’ve all got a messy, loud, weird part of ourselves hidden away.
And a lot of us never let it out.
But I did by writing this article.
How about you?

After all you
are the ones who got to say

what hurt
what wasn’t good enough
what you don’t deserve

You’re you,
Ainaa

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