Maintaining Friends While Living With a Disability

By Mike Noon

2 min read

This topic recently came up while talking with other writers from this page. I am very outgoing and have always loved being out doing things.

Well, that hasn’t always been true. My teen years were tough and I dealt with a lot of anger dealing with my SMA diagnosis.

I enjoy being sociable

That changed when I went off to college. I was becoming more comfortable with my disability, and in turn, became more sociable.

I was extremely lucky in my late teens and early 20s. I was still walking and only used my scooter for long distances. The scooter came in handy getting back and forth to the bar during my college years.

My point is that I know it was easier to make friends because the type 3 SMA hadn’t taken away a lot of my physical functions.

Harder to make friends now than when I was younger

Fast forward to now. I’m a 45-year-old man and SMA has taken a lot of my independence. I no longer have the ability to go out for an extended period of time without some sort of assistance. Suzanne, who is my girlfriend and fulltime PCA, always accompanies me when I go out. At this point in my life it’s not uncommon to do social activities with your partner.

I miss going to sports games

I have always enjoyed going to Phillies and Eagles games. They are the baseball and football teams here in Philadelphia. Suzanne doesn’t like sports. To spend around $100 for a ticket for someone who doesn’t care about sports seems a waste. Attending sporting events with my friends is something I miss doing. This was always a good way to spend time with my friends where we both have a common interest.

Now it's easier to stay at home

The weaker I’ve become the more I am comfortable just staying home. I have found this isn’t good for me. Even though I’m physically weaker I’m still a very sociable person.

When I lack interaction with my friends, I become frustrated and that could lead to being depressed. I would imagine this is true for everyone. Humans need to interact with each other.

Making an effort to be sociable

My point is, sometimes we need to take the reins and move out of our comfort zones. If you are like me and enjoy social interaction, call your friends and invite them to do something. The older we get the more our friends start settling into the typical middle life that we imagine. They have a career, a family, and own their home. All of those things will take their time.

Be realistic with their time. Just because they have those things doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be friends.

Be happy for them. That’s always been my mantra. When you celebrate your friend’s accomplishments they will want to include you. Sometimes it can be easy to slip in the mode of jealousy and anger.

However, think of your own life. Do you want to hang out with someone who is angry? I know I don’t. Happiness is the key to life. Living with SMA can be hard, don't let it get in the way of your happiness. Having friends will definitely bring you more joy!

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Pagz Member
This Friend thing is difficult for me because I need a lot of Care so like you said it works a lot better for me staying at Home. But I force myself to do some things away from Home just to Show them that I still want to be Friends and I can still do some things with you but for me I need my Powerchair and Medical Equipment to do it. I think that the hardest thing is for people to feel Comfortable being with someone who uses a Powerchair with a lot of Medical Equipment and forget that I have all of this Stuff and just think of me as a Person. I have people call me RoboCop but I kind of like it because it means that they know that you are more like a Machine than they are but okay with it and want to make a Joke out of it to let me know that they are okay with it. So it never bothered me because I know why they started doing it. <inline-mention username="Smurf" user-id="4827756"/> @
1. abby-schmidt Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="Pagz" user-id="4708031"/> I can imagine that this feels really lonely and challenging at times but I'm glad to hear that you've found some people that you feel connected with and who can make light of challenging situations. Have you had any recent social experiences that you'd like to share with us? We hope you're feeling well and we're really glad that you're a part of our community. All the best, Abby (Team Member).
Jennifer Greer Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Mike Noon" user-id="4171683"/> I really admire your mindset when it comes to life with SMA. It’s neat to see how everyone has a different perspective living life with SMA but how we also struggle with alot of the same things; such as being social and making friends. I’ve found myself at 28 being content with a few close friends and then like you being home for the most part. But I think if you’re financially able and physically able you shouldn’t shy away from your love of sports, even if the person going with you isn’t a huge fan. I’ve gone to many of concerts with my parents and thought the same thing, “oh my god, they’ll be so bored at a Taylor Swift concert,” “my poor dad has to listen to Shake It Off,” we’re all things going through my mind. But it almost always ended up being a lovely experience and my parents enjoyed it because I enjoyed it. I think your partner might feel the same way perhaps! - Jennifer (Health Leader)