New Year - New Me?

I never liked the phrase "new year, new me." It made me feel like everything I did last year was thrown away, and none of it mattered.

What's wrong with the current you? It reminds me of hustle culture and the idea that we always have to fix something with ourselves. This idea is constantly thrown online, things that we don't like about ourselves that we "have to fix." You are not a project!

I am enough!

I struggled with the idea that we are a project for a while, but then I found something online that said, "If you're into hustle culture and constantly running and trying to fix yourself, remember your beating heart." Are you saying that it's not enough? You are worthy and enough. There is nothing else to fix as long as you exist.

I'm not sure why this idea of us constantly needing to be fixed is popular. I've learned that this leads to emptiness and a constant need for chasing, which isn't healthy at all. In this world, hustle and hurry are rewarded, and while I get the importance of this, it can't always be this way.

Trying to control something during chaos

Life is about balance but also slowing down, something that I'm getting better at because I'm making myself because I want to have more peace in my life. I was someone who chased goals for the longest time because of productivity culture but also my perfectionism that came because I got satisfaction from good grades, it was something that I could control when my life felt chaotic.

My SMA forced me to rest

Then last year, my spinal muscular atrophy (SMA) forced me to rest a lot and I loved it. It was tough, but so nice, to rest and give my body love instead of constantly running because I had stuff I wanted to do. I took care of my body and myself. It's so important to do and unfortunately typically ignored. My favorite thing was laying down and having my feeding in the afternoons I needed to rest. Just reading or gaming on my phone.

We need to remember to slow down, it's a must for anyone! This is a part of the lifestyle that I'm continuing this year as well as being present and breathing, and being here right now.

Finding my voice

In terms of my story and how I chose change, I fell down the rabbit hole of self help in the peak of my depression in 2017. Something I learned after getting better last year is that you have to navigate life your way. It sounds so obvious, but when I was at my lowest, I just felt like others advice would help and some definitely did, but I learned that to truly thrive you have to find your voice, it's hard, but I found mine personally with my writing and getting into hobbies.

In the age of social media, we all want a quick fix, but that's not how that works, another lesson that last year and my depression taught me. I've learned that life needs to be terrible sometimes because there's always a lesson in that.

I don't like that society has become obsessed with self help. There is nothing wrong with you, you're just having a human experience. As they say, no rain, no rainbows. So, a reminder this year, you don't have to fix yourself if you don't want to or need to, you are enough! And it's okay if it's a new year, current you.