Venting about dating sites
I have used them off and on for years now. I really hate how they are set up. Most of them prioritize photos to an extent that sometimes people have empty profiles! OKC used to be kind of cool, and is probably the best one for putting together an interesting profile. But it kind of sucks now that it's been bought out.
You know what would be fun—sending letters back and forth Victorian style. In the mail. On paper. Maybe I should be signing up for pen pals instead of dating sites lol.
But anyway, yeah the SMA side of it is… difficult. I try to make sure that my profile makes it obvious—I'm not out here trying to catfish people. Most people never respond to messages (which I realize happens to a lot of people, especially men) and I assume that SMA is the main reason. It wouldn't be so bad but it wears me down after a while. Sometimes all it takes is a cutesy photo and a dorky bio and I'm already in love. Ugh why am I like this? 😂
I always feel a bit deflated when I see certain things in people's profiles. Things like they really love travel, or their "love language" is touch—things I cannot do easily or at all. And even though I have caregivers, I worry about being a burden to my partner. Because being with me will inevitably lead to needing to assist to me at times (unless they are disabled too, in which case we'll team up and burden someone else lolol).
I'm increasingly spending more and more time behind a screen because that's where I feel the least disabled. When I'm using my computer I can write, code, create, etc. I may need to meet a fellow screen junkie lol.
I got a little triggered earlier when someone's profile said that they enjoy "small, inconspicuous touch." And the other day, one girl's profile mentioned that she was looking for a "big viking-type man." Lol, rip. I'm over here like, "Look at my giant… font collection."
Anyway I just needed to vomit out some thoughts. Despite everything I still believe the right person is out there for each of us. Thanks for listening, internet!
Thank you for sharing all of this so openly—I relate to so much of what you said. Online dating can feel like a minefield, especially when SMA adds extra layers of complexity. The ‘travel’ and ‘love language: touch’ profiles always get me, too. It’s hard not to feel like you’re automatically ruled out for things that are beyond your control. And the whole thing about being a burden? I get that fear deeply, even though I know it’s unfair to ourselves to think that way. The right person will see the value in everything you bring to the table, SMA or not.Honestly, the Victorian letter-writing idea is genius. There’s something so charming about connecting through words on paper, and it feels way more genuine than swiping left or right. And hey, your ‘giant font collection’ is way cooler than some random Viking fantasy. You’re clearly witty, creative, and self-aware—all qualities that will absolutely click with the right person. Keep being you, and don’t give up hope. You deserve someone who loves you exactly as you are. Thanks for putting all this into words—it’s a reminder that we’re not alone in this. -Jennifer, SpinalMuscularAtrophy.net Team Member
